I FINALLY GOT THE POEMS POSTED!!!
Sooo...you should definitely go read them. That is all :)
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Friday, June 4, 2010
Things left unsaid...
In life, there are things we leave unsaid. We either forget them or we regret them. Here I am, at the end of sophomore year, and there are things I have left unsaid. Even though I know they will never read this, I also know that years from now, I will look back and regret holding everything in.
To my best friend:
I've always been a little jealous of your ease with people and I've always wished I could be more like you. But, I know that if I were any different, I wouldn't have you as my best friend.
To my ex:
You and I had something special. You showed me that I can be worth something. And you reminded me what it feels like to be loved. You became my best (guy) friend and also my greatest enemy. You are a danger to my sanity. I'm abrasive and violent and angry and depressed and indecisive. I'm terrified to show my emotions and I don't let anyone in. Yet, still, you love me. You're whiny and emotional and the biggest flirt. You infuriate me beyond all means. But, you understand me. And I will always remember the night I broke down outside your house and you stood there and comforted me. I told you I don't love you anymore. I lied. And if I do ever fall in love with someone, a part of me will always love you.
To my grandparents:
Thank you. You took me in and raised me, and for that I'm grateful. I love you, even if I don't like you. My grandpa, I love you, and I know you're only passing along The Warden's messages. My grandma, I love you, but I really can't stand you. There's a reason I nicknamed you The Warden. You're rude, you have no capacity for human feeling, nothing's right unless it's your way, and I seriously think you need to chill. And, I am not fat, no matter what you say.
To my father:
I love you. I hate what you've done and I know I'll never forget. And I'll try to forgive you. But, I will never respect you. I'm sorry, but you lost that right. Never again will you be my protector or knight in shining armor. Because of you, no one can do that. Because of you, no one can save me. Because of you, only I can save myself.
To my mother:
I love you. I hate what you've done. I hate that I'm the one who has to protect you. I've forgiven you, but I can't respect you. I'm sorry.
To my parents:
I love you. I hate what you've done. I hate that I never got to be a kid. I hate that I always had to take care of you. I hate that neither of you were ever there for me. I hate that I had to take care of myself. I hate that my ex-stepdad beat me. I hate that you didn't care, Mom. I hate that you molested me, Dad. I hate that I can't tell anyone. I hate that you're a whore, Mom. I hate that, even though you've changed, I will never trust you, Dad. I hate that I never had real parents. I hate that I'll never be able to truly let myself fall in love. I hate that I'll never be able to fully let myself go. I hate that I'll always be waiting for the day that I'll wake up to find that everyone's left me. I hate that it's all your fault. Both of you.
To my best friend:
I've always been a little jealous of your ease with people and I've always wished I could be more like you. But, I know that if I were any different, I wouldn't have you as my best friend.
To my ex:
You and I had something special. You showed me that I can be worth something. And you reminded me what it feels like to be loved. You became my best (guy) friend and also my greatest enemy. You are a danger to my sanity. I'm abrasive and violent and angry and depressed and indecisive. I'm terrified to show my emotions and I don't let anyone in. Yet, still, you love me. You're whiny and emotional and the biggest flirt. You infuriate me beyond all means. But, you understand me. And I will always remember the night I broke down outside your house and you stood there and comforted me. I told you I don't love you anymore. I lied. And if I do ever fall in love with someone, a part of me will always love you.
To my grandparents:
Thank you. You took me in and raised me, and for that I'm grateful. I love you, even if I don't like you. My grandpa, I love you, and I know you're only passing along The Warden's messages. My grandma, I love you, but I really can't stand you. There's a reason I nicknamed you The Warden. You're rude, you have no capacity for human feeling, nothing's right unless it's your way, and I seriously think you need to chill. And, I am not fat, no matter what you say.
To my father:
I love you. I hate what you've done and I know I'll never forget. And I'll try to forgive you. But, I will never respect you. I'm sorry, but you lost that right. Never again will you be my protector or knight in shining armor. Because of you, no one can do that. Because of you, no one can save me. Because of you, only I can save myself.
To my mother:
I love you. I hate what you've done. I hate that I'm the one who has to protect you. I've forgiven you, but I can't respect you. I'm sorry.
To my parents:
I love you. I hate what you've done. I hate that I never got to be a kid. I hate that I always had to take care of you. I hate that neither of you were ever there for me. I hate that I had to take care of myself. I hate that my ex-stepdad beat me. I hate that you didn't care, Mom. I hate that you molested me, Dad. I hate that I can't tell anyone. I hate that you're a whore, Mom. I hate that, even though you've changed, I will never trust you, Dad. I hate that I never had real parents. I hate that I'll never be able to truly let myself fall in love. I hate that I'll never be able to fully let myself go. I hate that I'll always be waiting for the day that I'll wake up to find that everyone's left me. I hate that it's all your fault. Both of you.
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