These are the poems I write. My heart is in these poems. Enjoy...
WARNING: If you do not like sad, depressing poems, then I recommend NOT reading these poems. They may make you hate life.
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Standing on the sidelines
Cheering from the crowd
I must not steal her spotlight
I must not make a sound
Look at how they love her
They just can't stay away
She's like their little angel
She never seems to stray
She lights up every room
The second she walks in
They love to hear her laugh and sing
They love to watch her live
And there I stay, just to the side
Book pressed up to my face
Escaping to another world
Another time and place
But why can't I be in this world
Why can't I belong
Don't I deserve some value here
I think I deserve some love
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Moments flash before your eyes
like pictures in the wind
Memories, fragments, all your mistakes
fluttering in from where they were sent
Shut them out, don't let them in
Don't look in the face of the past
You'll only relive the pain you were in
Remember the dreams that were dashed
Burn them all, make them ash
Forget the person you knew
Turn around, begin again
Another life starts anew
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Butterflies fluttering in a wave
Giddy feeling rising from a page
The words he wrote so long ago
The things he said that were all for show
Bees crash in and make a mess
Guard your heart, hope for the best
But they leave you burned, and broken, and stung
So you never forget who it was that won
Fight back, butterfly, give it all you've got
Let them know you haven't lost
Show those bees that you're still here
And you won't leave, not in a million years
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Faded pictures
and faded words
in faded jeans
block out the hurt
Wash the stains
out of your shirt
Sing a song
Fly like a bird
Put on a show
and act real tough
Don't let them know
you've had enough
Rip the shirt
and rip the jeans
Tear your heart
right at the seams
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They try to tell me a bunch of things
Like, "have some faith," or "just believe"
But, how can I do that when everything
Is fake and broken and ripped at the seams?
Fake little smiles; a fake masterpiece
Ripped up lives with their ripped up dreams
Broken promises and the lies you breathed
Left hopeless, wishless, broken me
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Hopeless, wishless, broken, used
I am tired of cowering with the abused
Yes, I'm flawed, I'm wrong, far from good
But that's okay, I'll be there soon
And for now I'm okay with imperfect me
Because on top of all that, I can finally see
I'm not broken, I'm new; a beautiful me
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The people move in perfect lines
And patiently they wait
They read the signs that line the road
Leading to those shiny gates
"Please don't push," and "Please don't shove,"
"Yelling isn't nice,"
"Stay off the grass," and "Wait your turn,"
"You're in for a surprise,"
They follow blindly, step by step
Craving the unknown
But when it's time to step on through
They do not want to go
All around them, now they see
The terror and the pain
From the darkness up above
The blood falls down like rain
Those inside who know the truth
Are broken empty shells
Their faces twist with wicked grins
Welcoming you to Hell
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Perfection is a perfect word
No other can compare
I'm perfect in my perfect life
With perfection left to spare
My perfect plastic spotless skin
Is smoother than the rest
My perfect shiny glossy hair
Is perfectly the best
I get perfect grades
I do what's right
I pass every perfect test
I'm just your perfect barbie doll
Never able to protest
You place me in a perfect pose
And speak my perfect words
You perform my actions perfectly
Controlling your perfect world
And all this time my perfect smile
Stays perfectly in place
While you ignore the perfect tears
Streaming down my perfect face.
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The lonely beach lays out before me
But it's so crowded in my head
I can't stand the silence around me
It's deafening, and heavy as lead
I'm standing on the lonesome shore
Just staring at the sea
The voices in my head keep screaming
Crying out to me
I've locked out away my secrets
Tied them to balloons
My hopes, my dreams, my wishes
Now floating through the gloom
And as I let the last one go
I hear the last voice stop
No more shouting or empty sorrow
Just the beat of my heart's throb.
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The clouds have pulled back
their dark despair
Sunlight peeking through
the warm ocean air
The tide stops whispering
it's black sweet nothings
Releases the frail little
life it was holding
Dressed in all white
she watches the sea
It's lying so still
letting her weep
She weeps for a husband
who she never did marry
She weeps for a child
who she never did carry
She weeps for a life
that she never did know
She weeps for a man
that she never did hold
The thunder rolls out
one last final time
She walks in the water
with one last final sigh
The broken umbrella
will be left on the shore
The battered little heart
will be battered no more
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I'm sitting
in my lonely world
waiting for someone
to say the words
to open the doors
to break down the walls
to do something more
than nothing at all
We're all trapped
inside our lethal minds
Too scared to run
but wanting to hide
This place is cruel
just waiting for life
Someone to care
Someone to try
Like genies in their magic lamp
I'm waiting for someone
to give me a chance
a chance to be free
a chance to fly
a chance to be more in this life
So I'll be sitting
In my lonely world
Forever waiting to hear your words
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Your love is like
a liquid gold
It fills me up
inside
I'm the richest
in the world
I no longer
need to hide
My heart is full
of happy smiles
whenever you
come near
I feel so safe
wrapped in your arms
I've nothing left
to fear
But now the clouds
come rolling in
and lightning
strikes above
You turn your back
and walk away
with my heart
and liquid love
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Mascara
running down my cheeks
I look at you
but I can't speak
You turn away
and say you're sorry
My heart is breaking
More tears are forming
The clouds have gathered
nothing left to say
You turn your back
and walk away
One loud crack
the sky breaks free
Rain pours down
Crying for me
I wipe my eyes
but it's no use
Tears keep falling
What else could I do?
Mascara
running down my cheeks
You broke my heart
now I can't speak
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She's here
She's there
She's everywhere
Running to
Running fro'
Where does she always have to go?
Never stopping
Just to blink
It seems her mind is on the brink
Of floating away
Crashing, burning
From everyone, always pulling
No one can help her
No one will try
So she runs and runs while she silently cries
She's just a girl
who's lost her voice
given up her will, her say, her choice
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Time is ticking
wasting away
Running in circles
Which is the way?
This way or that?
It's time to choose
One way you win
The other you lose
Weigh out your options
What have you to gain?
Left may bring sunshine
Left may bring rain
So what will you do?
Which way will you go?
You've made it this far
now reap what you sew
Time is ticking
wasting away
Running in circles
can't find the way
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Beauty follows the other girl
While laughing in my face
It tells me I'm not good enough
That I'll never win the race
It tells me I need this or that
Or how I'm not so great
Beauty follows the other girl
But it laughs right in my face
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Picture perfect ideas
running through my mind
Thinking it was possible
for you to ever be mine
Silly illusions
and wishful thinking
All hope gone
without even blinking
But it's okay
it doesn't matter
It's not the first time
good times have shattered
I'll move on
In fact, I'm already there
and in the end
It's your heart she'll tear
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Whatever made you think
it was a good idea
to feed me your lies
and laugh at my tears?
Why would you think
that would be okay?
What did you think
I was going to say?
Did you expect me
to brush it off as a hoax?
Or believe when you said,
"It was all a joke"
Well, if that's what you think
I've got news for you
So just sit back
'Cause I'm nowhere near 'through'
We're over, it's done
I can't stand you
You should jump off a cliff
Or get mauled by an emu
You're a fake, you're a joke
And I'll laugh at your pain
when the emu attacks
or the fall leaves you maimed
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My home is a prison
and happiness flees
My mother's a cougar
and tears mean we're weak
Death is a smile
from Dad's angry red face
Chaos screams
in his shouts up to space
All hope is gone
It died with my heart
Fifth Wheel Forever
alone from the start
Silence is screaming
and everything hurts
My life as I know it
steadily burns
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Shards of glass
scatter the floor
Flickering images
of life before
Before the fire
and after I left
Happiness falling
off the edge of a cliff
Memories reflected
in shards of glass
The voices stop shouting
Silence at last
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I hope you're happy
with what you've done
I hope you're pleased
with who you've become
You're a liar, you're a cheat
who has no shame
You feel no remorse
for almost causing me pain
They warned me before
Then they told me the truth
It took all I had
not to knock out your tooth
Instead I'll just laugh
'cause the joke's on you
You should've seen your face
when I told you I knew
So I hope you're happy
And I hope you're pleased
And I hope she's worth it
'Cause you can't have me
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Are you a chicken
afraid of strife?
Of confrontation?
Afraid of the light?
Are you afraid
of what the future holds?
Of living your days
depressed and alone?
Does the thought of love
make you feel queasy
when everyone else
makes it seem do easy?
Do you run away
when life seems right?
Because you know it wont last
It'll end in a fight
Ask me this now
and I'll tell you a lie
I'll smile really bright
"I'm not scared of life"
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I don't believe you
I can't and I won't
You won't change that
so please, just don't
Don't try to fix me
I've been broken too long
Everything you say
is a lie and so wrong
Blame it on my parents
on their shredded lies
Blame it on my upbringing
on the luck of the dice
Two words in apology
that I'll never believe
Three well crafted words
that can't set me free
I'll never believe you
I can't so I won't
You'll never change it
so please leave me alone
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I will always remember
your crooked grin
your messy hair
the way you make my head spin
The glint in your eye
when you talk about that girl
The ache in my chest
when I see you with her
I will never forget you
even if I try
I will always remember
even though you're not mine
(note: ^^that's the one he wrote "I'm sorry..." on)
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The blame isn't mine to take
I swear it's not my fault
You were there, you saw it too
You know I did no wrong
You know as well as I do
I didn't hit that boy
You were there, behind the wheel
Stop trying to play coy
Caught up in your drunken state
You gave up all control
Swerving into that front yard
All to miss a squirrel
That little boy died that day
No one else could see
You were there behind the wheel
Laying the blame on me
I know the truth
I'm going to tell
You take this guilt
And burn in hell
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It's my job
It's what I do
I comfort, help,
and talk to you
Through ups and downs
Through good and bad
I'm always there
I've got your back
Really bad breakup
I'm here for you
Fight with a friend?
I'll see you through
I love this job
helping my friends
I love what I do
through thick and thin
But, seriously
is it really that fun?
Dealing with drama
that blocks out my sun
Is it really so great
attached to my phone
advising relationships
when I can't have my own
I love this job
But I have to ask you
Am I being selfish
for hating it too?
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