Looking up. Sort of..

I guess things are looking up. I have great friends, a wonderful boyfriend, and a family I can actually get along with. So why am I not happy?

My friends and I worked everything out. My boyfriend treats me well. I haven't fought with my family in awhile. I guess I'm just conflicted.
One of my guy friends is being nice to me for the first time...ever. He actually talks to me, he hasn't hit me in a few weeks, and he actually gave me a hug. He never talks to me unless he needs something, and even then I'm a last resort. So why the sudden change?
I think my relationship problem may spring from my lack of communication skills. I just get scared and want to run away, but I know I can't. I have to be a big girl now.

Ah, Thanksgiving has passed and Christmas is just around the corner. I can't wait. I love Christmas. The decorations, the cold, just the entire mood Christmas holds is amazing. If I were one of those bloggers who gets involved with they're readers, I might ask what you want for Christmas. But, then I have to remember that I don't have any readers. I know I could fix that, but I kind of like the security of knowing no one reads my thoughts. That's what this is; my mind poured into this webpage, all for no one to read.

Ohmygoodness...

It has been a long time. A very long time indeed. I don't even remember my last post. Sorry. :/

You know what sucks? Having a problem with communication. Because it tends to cause problems with your friends, family, and/or boyfriend.

You know what else sucks? Hyping yourself up for the biggest game of the year. And losing.

Or having one of your best friends stop speaking to you because she can't have you all to yourself.

Or having a billion different people all pulling at you to do something for them.

Or having every single one of your friends viewing you as a personal taxi service. Except that you don't get paid.

Or having your dad forget about you. And not even apologize.

Or having your mom show up to every football game/band event drunk. And getting arrested for it.

Or having your band director pull you aside to talk to you about your drunk mother.


That's a lot of suck, my friends. A whole lot of suck just chillin right there. Such is life, I suppose.

On the bright side, band got grand champs last week at one of our competitions. The other...well we didn't expect much there. And they didn't let us down, haha.

And it's been a month and a half with this guy. I hope it lasts. But, you know what I say about hope.

I guess I'm being cynical today, but I've been like this since last night. I'll try to post more. But then again, who's going to read it anyway?

Finally!

Apparently blogger hated me for a while, but we're all good now. :D
Tomorrow's the twenty-first. Not that it matters anymore. My countdown is over.
We're doing well, I guess. I mean, I really like him and all that jazz, but sometimes that panicky anxious feeling shows up and I start to feel trapped and I have a strong urge to break up with him. And he doesn't even do anything. He's wonderful. I just can't help it. And I can't tell him about it because I don't want to scare him. Which sounds lame, I know, but it's true. And besides, the feelings pass. Qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm!!!!
Anyway. I'm in love. With a school. I started looking at colleges recently and I really want to go to Brown. It's amazing. Great academics, new people, ALL FOUR SEASONS, and it's far away from here. I. Am. In. Love. <3

P.S.

I just realized that I was bitter in my last post and figured I should clear that up.

1. My great grandmother did pass away. Two weeks ago. And I swear, if I have to hear, "I'm so sorry for your loss." Or, "She was a wonderful lady and you're in my thoughts." one more time, I'm going to lose it. I. Hate. Sympathy. I mean, it's okay the first day or so. But two weeks later? No thanks.

2. My dog did die. Last Friday. Sad. I miss her. But I'm still a cat person so I'm not too torn up about it. Which makes me feel bad.

3. I talked to my best friend about her ditching me. She said she'll try to do better.

4. The guy? He got to know what it feels like to be forgotten. He decided he'd rather be friends.

5. When I realized he wasn't worth my time, I met some new people. One of which is now my boyfriend.

6. Homecoming is too far away to even bother with.

7. My smile is a little less than fake now. :)

Five months and twelve days: The end

This past weekend we went on a band trip to Dallas. We did really well for it being so early in the season. Sunday we went to Six Flags where I hung out with my BOYFRIEND. Yes, you read right.
But it feels like my happiness is coming at a price. My friend and her boyfriend might have broken up. Not because of me. I just feel kind of guilty for being happy when she's so depressed.

Among other things, I love watching old movies from when I was a kid. And I love October. It marks the beginning of fall and it brings Halloween. And most of our contests are in October. And the leaves change color. And I think it just might be my favorite month.

Ooh! I got my ACT scores back. Now keep in mind that I was sick that day and it was my first time taking it and I really didn't try that hard. I GOT A 26!!! I'm excited. I have to take it again, though. And again and again and again. At least until I reach the thirties. :D

And now back to fluffy pillows, soft Six Flags animals, and old Disney Channel movies (Halloweentown) Adios, mi amigos. Hasta luego!

Qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm

Frustration.

Rather than use up any energy I have to sarcastically rant about how much people suck, I'm just going to list everything that is wrong.

1. My great grandmother is dying. Like, any second.
2. My dog is dying. Like, any day.
3. My best friend seems to be forgetting me.
4. She's forgetting me in favor of another guy. (Not dating him, just best friends with him)
5. The guy she's forgetting me for? Happens to be the one I like.
6. Last night at homecoming I had to stomach watching them slow dance. And watching him dance with someone else. And listen to all of our mutual friends ask me why I didn't go dance with him. All while I stood there all alone.
7. I still have to fake a smile as all of the above came crashing down around me.


Yes. And to top it all off, Tuesday will be five months of singleness. I'm excited because it's an achievement. I'm displeased because it feels like life is laughing in my face. Greatttttt...


Oops. I think I'm starting to sound bitter. Better leave before I start to get cynical too.

Homecoming Week!

Jerseys, nerds, celebrities, seventies, formal wear, and beautiful dresses...
IT'S HOMECOMING WEEK!
I have the dress. I have the shoes. I have the mum. I have no date.
I'm okay with that. In fact, I'm down-right excited. No stress? Sounds great. Plus, I get to chill during the slow songs. So it all works out. :)